This message is specifically for fathers who are married or are in committed relationships with the mother of their children. Your partner may be in danger.
Hearing that Olympic medalist Tori Bowie passed from the complications of childbirth brought back so many feelings. If you are new here, I lost my sister Kenisha seven days post childbirth. The most immense feeling was anger. Anger because so many Black women are taking a life-threatening risk of bearing children in this system. Motherhood is already so difficult; add in the fact that Black women are 3x more likely to die within the first year, and bearing children becomes outright dangerous. The part that really angers, no, enrages me about these findings?
According to data collected by the Maternal Mortality Review Committees (MMRCs) during 2017-2019, 84% of maternal deaths are preventable. That’s right, four in five pregnancy-related deaths are unnecessary losses. The only way this genocide is possible is because it’s happening to Black families. In what world is an 84% preventable failure rate okay? Would you feel safe if you flew on an airline that was 3x more likely to crash, and more than 80% of those crashes were preventable?
Roe vs Wade
Many men in relationships weren’t concerned with the overturning of Roe vs. Wade, and I’m here to tell you that you absolutely should be. People and families are being denied care and resources all over the country, even when the baby is unviable. If your partner, wife, BM, or daughter becomes pregnant and something happens to her or the baby, she could lose her life and leave you to pick up the pieces and keep moving. Families are being told to wait in the car until their body rejects the baby. The infection must be almost fatal before being treated, with some damage to the organs becoming permanent. Some of those patients are unprotected children.
Forcing Black women to endure pregnancy, knowing they aren’t doing a damn thing to keep Black mothers alive, is infuriating. Knowing that Black women are disproportionately represented in deaths that could have been prevented feels genocidal. My sister likely died for no reason at all. I cannot explain to you how it feels to type that. She was discarded, and her concerns weren’t heard because she was Black. I have no forgiveness for them. I continuously wish them the worst life has to offer.
Please, I’m asking you to consider your partner’s health and your children’s future. If you are in a state that does not support medical abortions, get a vasectomy. The procedure is a small snip of the tube carrying the sperm. Thats it! It’s an outpatient procedure, fully reversible, and usually covered by your insurance. You can watch YouTube during the process and walk out in your socks and flip-flops the same day!
Protect Your Family
If you don’t believe in abortions, don’t have one. I don’t believe in having kids, so I didn’t. Everyone else should have the right to do as they please as well. Forcing births on women who will never see those children grow up is diabolical. What is the motive here?
If you are currently pregnant and Black, do not take your ass into that delivery room without a doula and a damn good one! Find you a care team soon and start prepping for your delivery AND that first year after baby is born.
Getting your wife or partner pregnant right now means you need an entire care team to ensure she survives the pregnancy, birth and the fourth trimester; otherwise, you might be doing the other 17yrs without her. I really want you to understand that. You could lose your partner, BM, co-parent and become the sole provider of your children’s needs. That is terrible to consider, but it’s many Black men’s reality. Don’t let it be yours. Save our mothers and snip it.